By Khaula Siddique

The other day I had a wedding to attend that I had been really looking forward to. All dressed up I realized that Canadian winters and desi wedding footwear are not a match made in heaven, however, and that slightly quashed my excitement. I contemplated the dilemma, should I risk certain death walking on the icy path  from my front door to the Uber and then from the Uber to the entrance of the venue in high heels? Of course not, plus I like having toasty feet and fuzzy socks dont fit in high heeled fancy sandles. I would just have to wear boots. I took out my ankle length dress boots. They have served me faithfully for many years and although I love them I have to admit they are no longer a thing of beauty. Quite far from it. I stared down at them wistfully and thought if only they were glittery. Then I remembered I had glitter glue.

As I sat dressed in my finest, awkwardly blow drying my feet that were adorned in really old black boots now covered in glitter glue I thought what a sight I must be. Luckily not much fazes me anymore and I consoled myself with the thought that I would probably survive a zombie apocalypse if it ever happened. You just need to be innovative, satisfied with the minimum and unfazed by situations that cause a great amount of chaos to most people. Thus I present to you five reasons why I would survive a Zombie apocalypse.

1. My Supply of Glitter Glue (or “making do with what you have”!)

I have a great love of glitter glue and as you have just read above it has so many situation-saving benefits. When the world will be dull and gray during the zombie take over I will just apply glitter glue to everything.

2. The Incredible Versatility of Lipstick (or “you dont need a lot to look good”)

Most Generation Xers witnessed their moms use lipstick as lipstick, but also as rouge/blush and even eyeshadow. So when the walking dead are making sure that many people wont make it to Sephora, I will just use lipstick for everything if I need to look good while putting zombies out of commission. Lipstick and eye pencil are my only makeup staples anyways. I rather spend money at my favourite hakka restaurants.

3. I Know How to Make “Nau Lakha” (or “having leftovers wont kill you”)

How many of you have had the pleasure of being fed “nau lakha” on the weekend by mom, an aunt or a grandmother? This Pakistani staple was the innovation of women to counter the dilemma of leftovers, a tight budget and fussy husbands. There was no such thing as food waste when I was growing up. Leftover meat curries, dhaal, veggie bhujia, and anything else was collected in a pot and at the end of the week it was rehashed with more spices to make the most amazing “thahiri” (turmeric spiced potatoes and rice dish) you have ever had. Served with raita and salad it was treated as a royal dish. I wont starve during the apocalypse and I wont let you starve either, just find your way to my house.

4. I Am Not the Life of the Party (or “a few close friends is all you really need”)

I dont particularly crave big, fancy, loud parties with lots of lots of people. Like the club scene or its equivalents-which is something that many people seem to want. I have a large number of aquaintences but I find it hard to make small talk and am comfortable staying quiet. I have only a very few people who I am really close with and after a certain point in life most people realize that is all you need. Not everyone who is your “friend” is your friend. You just need one good loyal one! There wont be many parties (or party goers in that case!) when the ghoulish undead will be out and about and I am okay with that. I will have my few friends over for chai and pakoras as we wait it out.

5. I Like Plants and Animals (or “you better learn to grow your own food and keep a fur baby to de-stress”)

I find gardening very therapeutic, I keep it simple, nothing fancy and enjoy working then watching the magic happen. I also adore my cats, they keep me entertained, they are great company and cheer me up when I am down. Plus two of them are very territorial and protective of what they consider “theirs” so I feel confident they will turn their inner tigers on when needed and take some zombies down as needed.

Jokes aside, on a serious note, I feel all those shows and movies themed around apocalyptic themes are just a metaphor for the times we live in (past and future too!) we are seeing the effects of climate change, financial crises, mental health issues, social justice and environmental issues. It doesnt take a lot to make the world run smoothly to be honest, humans have made it hard. Living a simple life, appreciating the small things, valuing what we have already and not wasting are very easy to do and will help us through these “zombie apocalypse days”.

About the Author

Khaula Siddique, artist at Khaula’s Art, has written for Dawn Pakistan and now paints stories on large walls. She loves bringing art to the community and achieves this through interactive art activities and public art projects. When she is not painting, she is over-indulging her large eccentric orange tabby who part-times as her critic and her muse. You can find her art shenanigans on her website, Khaula