By Naheed Ashraf

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Have you ever been in a position where the start of a conversation became the end of it? If not really the end but it truly sucked the pleasure out of that meeting? Unfortunate as it is, almost everyone has been in this situation and I find relief that I am not the only one.

There are many ways for you to avoid such an embarrassment simply by abstaining from some of these start up lines. Read on and avoid these top ten offending conversation starters!

Would you be angry if I say something?

It’s not difficult to get the radars up and antennas going when the conversation starts on that note or even ‘don’t be mad at me if I tell you something.’ So now I am supposed to be intuitive and promise to bear the crap that may await me? My answer usually is that you can certainly try your luck. This often deters many from continuing.

Please don’t feel we are judging you or no offence but…

This is another personal favourite, not, especially when you are going through a crisis. Some people just love to step in and cross the red line. Any harm done to them in the process doesn’t warrant penalty.

You may not understand this as it’s a bit complicated for you or it will be hard for you to grasp

Some philosophers like to start with these and this either kills the interest right then and there or you get your ammunitions ready to attack and impress. Don’t do either, give a bored look and walk away.

Believe me…

If you have a need to say this all the time, then it’s better if you say nothing. This may not always be the case but some people habitually start with this line. They are either unsure of themselves or have nothing worthy of saying.

I am not gossiping but or it may not be true but I heard…

Oh the ultimate sin, as you do exactly that! FYI the rosary in your hands is turning red with embarrassment.

May God forgive me for saying this but…

Some people have control issues between their tongue and conscious. They willfully say things which they shouldnt and act innocent. A simple ‘I am not interested in the direction of this conversation please’ can be a hint for some wiser ones to stop dead in the tracks.

So are you pregnant?

Having struggled with fertility issues for years I can say this is the worst among all. Some went as far as remarking ‘haven’t you had enough fun already?’ Just tell them you have left it to the will of Allah and they can certainly take the journey to next life to get an answer.

When do we hear the wedding bells?

So embarrassing especially when the poor recipient is a girl of marrying age. Some aunties start asking this question as soon as you hit puberty while some are plain nasty and feel it their moral duty to stalk you with this question. Play deaf and dumb.

Everything ok with your in laws?

You should have a vanishing cloak handy for this type – they are nothing but Trouble. Very often we don’t realize but issues stem when sly words are passed along as people revel in creating misunderstandings.

I know or OMG

Ever been with one of those who love to reply with these two words all the time? They are self-lovers who refuse to admit anyone can essentially know something they don’t. You should actually say with a snort ‘it doesnt look like you actually do’ but make sure that they don’t actually know before saying this 😉

On a lighter note an embarrassing situation was when I had gained quite a bit of weight and was told I look healthy with malicious joy. I just replied I am stocking up for the bad days and walked away. What would you have done?

About the author: 

Naheed Ashraf is mom to a beautiful three year old rogue . She loves to read, rant and is often in trouble due to faulty filters!

So what about you? Do you have any conversation stoppers you would like to share? Its all in good humour, lets share the jokes on our forum, with other Muslim Moms.