By Jasmine S Kaur
Do you have a nice girl syndrome? Did you grow up in a culture where saying ‘No’ is a big ‘no-no’? Since you were a little girl were you taught and encouraged to be ‘nice? You were taught that nice girls don’t cry, don’t get angry and do as they are told. Nice girls learn how to agree and always look nice. While trying to please others, nice girls forget to love themselves. As nice girls, it is easier to help others than to help themselves. Especially, once you have an additional crown of being ‘the mom’, you are preoccupied taking care of all around you and thus don’t have any time for yourself.
What can you, the nice girl, do as a mom to love themselves and have some self-time? Practice self-care. What is it really? Self-care builds self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and complete self-love for ourselves. Simply put, self-care is a powerful choice to willingly engage in the activities and behaviours that you know are good for you. It is participating in the behaviours you know you need for you and your health. For example; exercising, praying, making mindful food choices, reaching out for support as needed, stop comparing yourself or your children to others and just being YOU.
Loving yourself is the key to loving others. Love begins with you.
– Don Miguel Ruiz
If Mama Ain’t Happy, Nobody Ain’t Happy
You have heard the saying: If Mama Ain’t Happy, Nobody Ain’t Happy which explains if mom’s stressed or burnt out, everyone in the house suffers. Remind this to yourself every day and take good care of you. If you take an hour or two to yourself, for whatever nourishes you, the rest of the day (or week) will be easier and more fun. Your family will enjoy having an energetic and refreshed mom. By paying attention to your own needs, you’ll actually be better at meeting everyone else’s.
Create Healthy Habits
One of my very favorite things about teaching is helping people to create healthy habits. The point is that healthy habits make you feel great about yourself. You are in charge of caring for you. Everyone has a body that need taking care of – and not just every now and then. Routine has helped me to stay tuned in to my own and my body’s needs. Think of you as you would for your car; it requires maintenance and fuel to keep in good working order. You would never just let a flashing light on your dashboard go on without addressing it, right? Yet when you have a pain in your body, you tend to ignore it, expecting it to disappear by itself.
After several experiences and years of postpartum depression, I now practice self-care regularly, I now rest when I am tired, eat when I am hungry, and remind myself to breath. The repetition becomes like a meditation and I sing in joy loving myself, and my body falls into place making me feel the best and great.
Maintain a Good Relationship with YOU
Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Notice the way you speak about yourself? Marriage or being a mother is not easy and requires work. Staying in a healthy relationship with yourself is similar. To feed my commitment, each day I take a loving action toward myself by keeping up my self-care as a priority. For example; take an aromatherapy bath, listen to my favorite music or positive talks, have a cup of tea and watch my favorite movie, read books, do some water painting, stitching, dancing and or sign up for different classes as an investment in myself.
Examples for practicing self-care and self-love for a week:
Day 1: Fall in love with yourself and book a ‘ME’ day for yourself filled with all activities that you enjoy and love.
Day 2: You already have a perfect body. Say it aloud and appreciate your healthy body.
Day 3: Cultivate a positive relationship with your mind and body.
Day 4: Buy yourself some flowers and pay attention to your own physical presentation today.
Day 5: Try to pay attention to what is special and lovable about you today.
Day 6: You deserve to be acknowledged for the inner and outer beauty you possess.
Day 7: Think for yourself first.
When you change the way you look at things, the thing you look at changes.
– Wayne Dyer
When we accept ourselves, the negative self-talk dissolves, and we fall into our natural state of happiness. Always remind yourself you are perfect, you are enough, you are invaluable and you are being the best mother.
If you are a typical nice girl and reading this right now, then you’re one step closer to being that person you deserve to be and start being yourSELF. Are you ready to learn how to feed yourself with loving, caring thoughts and take action with a commitment to love yourself and give your self-care a priority? If yes, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org for more details on our upcoming workshops and information sessions.
About the author:
Jasmine S Kaur is a yogini, self-care expert, inspirational coach for mothers, speaker and equally a daughter, sister, wife, and mother of three precious children. She is the founder of self-care center, MotherCoach.ca, busy but balanced womenpreneurs and owner of Aquarian Corporate Yoga. She practices strong self-care techniques and is proud to learn and teach them in her classes, workshops, one-on-one, events and conferences.