By Arshiya Ismail

What is a Love Language and why the big fuss about it?

A love language describes how a person likes to receive and express love. A couple or family may share the same love language or they may have different love languages.

Although the concept of Love Languages can be applied to all relationships, for our discussion, I will focus on Love languages as it applies to married couples, In sha Allah.

It is important for each spouse to know what their love language is, so that they can express how they would like love and affection to be shown to them. Understanding your spouse and their love language is one the best ways to build your relationship.

It could be that you are expressing so much love to your spouse, however, they may feel unloved, unimportant and possible lonely in your marriage if love was not shown to them in a way which lights up love within them.

It’s basically like having a conversation with someone who speaks a language you don’t understand! Words are exchanged but the intended meaning is lost and therefore no connection can be built.

The 5 Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Words of Affirmation

This is verbalized appreciation, compliments and praise like saying “I love you!”, “I appreciate what you did”, “Thanks for your support”

When there is a lack of love expressed in this way, complaints sound like,” You never say that you love me” “You never said thank you”

The prophet (PBUH) openly expressed his love for his fellow companions and also his wives, alhamdulillah.


Giving Gifts

This is a visual symbol of love like getting your spouse something they love. This can be a gift like a piece of jewelry, a new bag or even their favorite chocolate.

Complaints in this department sounds like,” When was the last time you bought me something?” or “You won’t even get me some flowers.”

We learn from the sunnah that the Prophet(PBUH) gifted his wife Aisha (RA) with a necklace, alhamdulillah.


Acts of Service

This is showing affection through doing things like making your spouse a cup of coffee, taking out the trash or bringing your spouse’s phone when it rings.

Complaints in this area sound like: “I have to do everything around the house all by myself”, “Don’t just tell me you love me, show me!”

We learn from the sunnah that the prophet(PBUH) would also cook and clean, Subhanallah.


Physical Touch

This refers to casual every day touching like hugging, kissing, holding hands, a reassuring touch on the hand or simply a pat or rub on the back.

A lack in this department sounds like,” You never hold my hand”, “The only time you come near me is when you want to be intimate!”

It is reported that the prophet(PBUH) would kiss his wives before he would leave his house, Masha Allah.


Quality Time

When love and care is expressed by being present and spending time in ways that include going for a walk together, making time for meaningful conversations, playing games together.

Complaints could sound like, “You never have time for me”, “You’re always on your phone”, “You’re always busy.”

We learn from the sunnah that the prophet (PBUH) would sit down and share meal times with his wives. There was also a time when the prophet (PBUH) invited Aisha to stand next to him to watch a wrestling match. They both stood together until the match was over, Masha Allah.

When you understand your and your spouse’s love languages you can then be in a position to receive and give love and affection in ways that are meaningful in your marriage, in ways that create a deeper sense of love and connection. You will understand how to continuously nurture and grow your connection and enjoy a happy successful marriage, In sha Allah.


About the Author

Arshiya Ismail is a relationship coach who supports singles and divorcees to overcome barriers to love and marriage, supports premarital individuals and couples ascertain compatibility and prepare for a successful marriage and supports individuals and couples to overcome their marital challenges. She also incorporates various natural healing techniques as the need arises.