By Maryam Saeed Jilani
Image source: MS Office ClipArt
Becoming a mother for the first time is a life changing experience. The news that you are expecting a baby stirs up a number of emotions. At first you are just overwhelmed, then slowly as the news sinks in you become excited and happy, then comes a point when you start getting cold feet, you get nervous as delivery time nears and then about the post delivery time. This journey is full of highs and lows. You are experiencing all sorts of emotions, and physical exertions sometimes toll heavily on your thoughts and feelings as well.
Delivery and after-effects
After getting over with pregnancy, which is nothing short of a roller coaster ride, and successfully getting through delivery you forget everything once you hold your baby in your arms. That sweet little face and smile takes your breath away. All the trouble that you have been through, all the weight that you have gained seems worth it just because you have a little angel looking up to you.
But hold on a second, it’s not just as simple as that, it’s not a fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after. It’s all good until all family members leave for the night and you are in the hospital with your baby who just refuses to sleep. You struggle with feeding, diaper changes and you are so exhausted that keeping your eyes open is a struggle, but you have to do it because there is no other choice. Next day is a little easier and another day later you start feeling that you will be able to survive after all.
However, the real struggle begins once you bring your baby home. If you have someone to help you in the house, be grateful to that person for the rest of your life! Otherwise you have to take care of the baby all by yourself 24/7 and all those sleepless nights and endless diaper changes will eventually make you get ‘baby blues’.
Take time out for yourself
- Now is the time to stop trying to be a super woman, seek professional help when you can and tell your husband to help you too.
- There’s no harm in taking other peoples help at times like these.
- Sleep when the baby is sleeping, the chores can wait.
- Don’t over exert yourself.
- Eat and drink healthy. You will only be able to take care of your baby if your own health is fine. Do not stop taking your vitamins.
- Take time out to do something that you enjoy.
- Being Muslims we feel peace when we pray or listen to the Quran. You can put on Quran recitation and listen to it as you work.
- You can read a book if that’s what relaxes you.
- You do not have to be with the baby all the time. Let your husband spend time with the baby as well, and utilize that time to rest and reflect on your feelings.
Regaining control of your life
As time passes, things slowly start to fall into place. The baby develops a routine and you become used to it as well. You learn to manage your chores around the baby’s routine. You learn to get some sleep with the baby as well. Your body slowly starts to get its strength back. You gain control of your emotions again and that’s when you actually start enjoying your baby. You notice the smiles, the chuckles, you start to notice when the baby is in a playful mood. Enjoy this time as much as you can.
You will now learn to become a mother, and trust me when I say this, that nothing can prepare you for it. No parenting shows, no books, no advice can help you get ready for this responsibility. Only your child can teach you to become a mom. With the birth of your child comes the birth of a mom within you. Embrace the change and enjoy the highs and lows of being a new mom. Remember this time will never come back.
May Allah guide our kids to the right path and make them the coolness of our eyes. Ameen!
About the author:
Maryam Saeed Jilani is blessed to be a mother of three beautiful kids. She is trying to raise her kids to the best of her abilities. She is also an occasional freelance writer and takes up various projects from time to time.
What was your journey like when you became a mother? Every moms experience is different, wed love to hear from you! Share your stories with other Muslim Moms on our forums.
Asma
June 5, 2014 1:12 amVery Well written Maryam as always. Loved it how you quote how our children make us moms. Indeed first few month are hard but In sha Allah things get easy. May Allah keep our kids under His blessings always and keep them on rightous path.
Maryam
June 5, 2014 4:49 amAmeen, thanks asma for always encouraging me.
Sadaf Afshan
June 6, 2014 1:56 pmThis brought back so many memories of the time when I had my daughters. Being the eldest in the family, I didn’t have the chance to benefit from the experiences of elder sisters or sisters in law when it came to pregnancy or delivery. The whole experience was overwhelming at times , especially since I didn’t have my family here. I tried to learn as much as I could by reading books and browsing the Internet. It wasn’t easy even with my second one as in addition to a newborn I had a toddler to care for. However, when I look back it was all worth it. Motherhood is definitely the greatest blessings of Allah SWT.
Maryam
June 18, 2014 2:01 amSo true sadaf motherhood is indeed the greatest bleasing from Allah, may Allah make the experience easy for all moms and guide our kids to the right path. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Nida
July 24, 2014 8:58 pmI came accross this website just today and ended up clicking on this article. It is very well written and I couldn’t agree more! I had my first child few months ago and sometimes it seems like a massive struggle. But I always try to praise Allah SWT for giving me such a huge blessing and giving me a honour of raising a child (Alhumdulilah!). I still yet have to figure out how to manage my time and offer salats regularly and recite Quran more. InshAallah it will all come together eventually 🙂 Aameen!
maryam
August 28, 2014 6:48 amThank you for your comments Nida. Congratulations on becoming a mom. May Allah make the journey easy for you. You are right eventually it will all come together until then just hang in there 🙂