By Nabeela Ahsan
Everyone knows her, the desi woman. She’s the one who looks you up and down, inside out as you pass her in the mall- a look more invasive by far than any from the opposite sex. If she recognizes you she will ignore you, if she doesn’t know you, she’ll acknowledge you with a nod.
Here are some things you know about her.
1. She loves to play ping-pong with your dishes: If you take some food to her house, she will return the dish with food in it and more in her dish. Then you return her dish and so on and so forth. It just doesnt stop.
2. As a shopper: The average desi woman is the last person you want to go shopping with. She will unfold all the clothing, drag merchandise from the shelves, tear open closed packs of underwear and let merchandise slip from the hangers. We are still talking about the merchandise she isn’t interested in yet.
3. Devout complainer: She will complain loudly that the product of the company is worthless- as if by doing so the owners will rush over from Sweden and give her complimentary products. Because that happens, right.
4. As a driver on the road: If the car in front of you is driving at 20 in a 70 kph speed zone, chances are you are tailgating a desi woman. Should you pass her, you will find her totally engrossed in yelling at her kids who are buckled up in the back seat. Let’s not even talk about the grey hair you get waiting for her to make a left turn at an intersection.
5. Let-them-eat-cake mentality: If you tell her you are struggling financially, she will let you know that there’s nothing like investing in a good Michael Kors bag to lift your spirits. Retail therapy and all. She will also do you a great service by informing you that there is a 20% sale on that darling little $800 bag.
6. Judging your upbringing: What do you mean your son/daughter doesnt go to Islamic classes? Obviously you are not much of a Muslim if you don’t send your child to the $400/month Islamic classes her child goes to. Enough said.
7. Dress deducing par excellence: She can tell, to the exact date, the last time you visited Pakistan – all this by just looking at your clothes. Anthropologists have a thing or two to learn from her.
8. Public service: She will think nothing of disciplining your child – especially if hers is at fault.
9. Proud Mom: Her children are so intelligent, so smart…that even their “B’s” look like “A’s”! True story.
10. Oh those house-keeping woes: You have heard nothing if you haven’t heard the pitiful woes of the sad desi woman who has to attend to her household chores. Self-pity unlimited. She will move you to the brink of madness by the stories of her household servants back home. Honestly? We all had them. We all clean our toilets. Deal with it.
About the author:
Nabeela Ahsan is a mom of three, living and working in Missisauga. In her free time, she likes to watch “Dr. Who” with her boys and “Two Broke Girls” with her daughter. She has closet dreams of doing her PhD. She has co-foundered a companyInterCloDesigns that provides sustainable clothing aid in countries affected by disaster.
Do you enjoy humour and satire inspired by real life? We certainly are guilty of one or two in the list above! Share some laughter on our forums. Or write to us if you have more laugh out loud ideas to share with other Muslim Moms!
Fariha S
June 17, 2014 1:02 amHilarious can’t stop laughing all of it is true to the last word!!!lol lol
mariam
June 17, 2014 1:49 amLoved the article. I am a proud owner of some of these traits if not all. Love to be desi!!
Muneezah
June 17, 2014 3:19 pmHeehee…captured the desi women perfectly. I have these traits and love them. Especially the pingpong trait!!
Nabeela Ahsan
June 17, 2014 11:13 pmlolz! True story: my mom had a knee transplant surgery after which she was bed-ridden for a couple of months. My sister took time off work to stay and take care of her in Lahore. Everyday my mom’s vast social circle brought her food-morning, noon and night. Yet, my sister was always in the kitchen whenever I visited or called. I asked her how come she was in the kitchen all the time when there was so much food being brought in. She replied” Ami doesn’t want anyone’s dishes going back empty so i’m cooking round the clock to fill them!!!”- till today, LMAO!
Nabeela Ahsan
June 17, 2014 11:08 pmThanks for your feedback girls!!! Certainly a writer knows their subject intimately- and I am no exception! I was helped in researching this article by my teenage daughter who had some insightful things to say about brown parents- but that’s another article!
Fareeha Maria
June 18, 2014 2:04 amawesome voice to our collective feelings as desi women…. keep up the excellent true *feelings capture* work and remember to share with us too 😉
Sobia Ashfaq
June 18, 2014 5:56 amwell done. Nabeela you can write 25 more desi women traits :))…
Tasneem
June 19, 2014 5:12 pmWe can break the cycle for the first one: send the food in a disposable dish so the person returns the favor in their best time 🙂