By Khaula Mazhar

Note: This will work best if you imagine this lady rapping to Apache Indian’s “Arranged Marriage.”

The time has come for this Amma,
To find one larki for her Shehzada.
Now listen when me talk tell everybody,
Me want me a bahu perfect as can be.

Chorus
Me want bahu, from Karachi City
Me want bahu, say a sohni curi
Me want bahu, bhai  to look after me
Me want bahu, with a doctor’s degree

Now I look in the neighborhood, there’s a lot of girls,
And some of them seem like perfect pearls.
Me go to all their houses, just one masla,
They all say me son is a no good larka.
So now it’s time for matchmaker lady,
To come and help find that Hoor Pari.
So I’ll send her to the East, then to the West.
I’ll send her North and South to find which girl best,
I can’t lie, I must confess, this Amma she wants a princess.

Chorus
Me want bahu, to cook the roti.
Me want bahu, that cooks good nihari.
Me want bahu, to clean up the house.
Me want bahu, meek like a mouse.

Now some girls are fat and some too thin,
Some just have too large a kin.
She can’t be too dark, or even too fair.
And she must have long, long black hair.
Engineer is good, doctor is too,
MBA is fine, nothing less will do.
What you mean does my son have job yet?
My boy is perfect, the best you’ll ever get!
Now you be fussy, then don’t cry to me,
I have long list of girls as you can see.

Chorus
Me want bahu, to massage my feet,
Me want bahu, to cook lots of treats.
Me want bahu, who will respect me.
Me want bahu, to give me potha, pothee.

So the time has come for my son to marry,
I look for a girl from a good family.
We on the rounds, to visit all the places,
Of eligible girls, with very pretty faces.
So have lots of food on your tea trolley,
You’ll have to work hard to impress me.

Chorus
Me want bahu, as sweet as can be.
Me want bahu, that don’t talk back to me.
Me want bahu, to show off to my friends,
Me want bahu, that will make amends.

Now the time has come for me son to marry,
For people to bring mithai, like luddoo n barfee.
I found perfect girl, sorry I only have one son,
Nothing I can do, the date is done.
But is okay, don’t be so blue,
Your daughter can always be wife number 2!

Chorus

Me found bahu, from Toronto City.
Me found bahu, with MBA degree.
Me found bahu, why she no look after me?
Me found bahu, she works at office all day!
Me found bahu, she does not give me her pay!
Me found bahu, her family trapped us,
Me found bahu, now my raj is over bus!

About the author:

Khaula Mazhar, author of Mama Loves Me, has written for Dawn Pakistan and now bestows her wisdom upon the world at her blog. Last time she counted she had five kids, however the vast amount of laundry has given her doubts. This is a cause of constant distraction as she tries to finish writing the next NYT best-seller.