By Mona Ismaeil
Remember the first time you laid eyes on your husband? Remember how your heart raced when he said your name or even looked in your direction? Remember how you held hands staring off into the sunset and planning your future together? Remember the first year during which you thought you couldn’t possibly live a day without each other?
Where did those days go? Was it a single moment that changed the dynamics of your relationship, had this been building for the past years or was this doomed from the start? At what point did you stop trying to impress each other and made each other feel special? Where has the spark gone?
Whether you’ve been married for just under a year or for over a decade, marriage is an ongoing, full-time job. You can find a million self help books on love and marriage. Will reading pages upon pages of tips and tricks make a difference if the effort is one-sided? NO! Both husband and wife have to be on board to improving the marriage each and every day. There are so many small and simple things we can do to keep the spark in our marriages alive. Here are just a few…
Remember Why You Chose One Another
There was something that made you want to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. What was it? It was more than the colour of his eyes or the car he drove. Perhaps it was his kindness towards you and your family. Perhaps his intelligence and intellect excited you. Perhaps his undying faith made you feel safe and at peace. Try to remember that often.
Be a Couple, Not Just Parents
I always try to remember that we are Mohamed and Mona, not just Manessa’s parents. Just as we needed time together before to get to know each other, we need time now to continue knowing each other. It is important to spend time together doing things that you both love…alone. It can be as simple as a movie after the kids are asleep, or a big weekend away. Choose what suits your lifestyle best.
Be Alone Each Day
Even if it is for 5 minutes, be alone. Check in with each other. Life can get so chaotic and we often forget our obligations to each other’s emotional and psychological well being. Just take some time to ensure your spouse is healthy, happy and doesn’t have any serious concerns.
Do Small Things for Each Other
There are an infinite number of things you can do to make each other feel special and loved by sneaking in a few meaningful moments together each day.
- Write a love note
- Make a special meal
- Plan a surprise
- Buy a small but meaningful gift
- Hold hands
- Hug each other for no reason
Redefine Your Love
Young love is often based on more superficial values such as romance and passion. Those values do not have to go away but as life gives you new joys and struggles a redefining of the relationship is needed. It is about moving forward to the next stage where your husband becomes your companion and best friend. It is no longer who you go out with Friday evening but who you can not wait to come home to on Wednesday evening.
Pray Together, Pray For Each Other
Most importantly your faith is a wonderful tool to keep your relationship alive. Your love for Allah (swt) will remind you of how important it is to respect, love and care for one another. We have amazing examples of love and marriage in Islam. Look at Prophet Muhammad SAWS and his wife Khadija RA, study their relationship and see how beautiful a real Islamic relationship can be.
May Allah bless and guide all your marriages to Jannah, InshaAllah.
About the author:
Mona Ismaeil is the Associate Editor at MuslimMoms.ca and the proud owner of Modern Hejab, an Edmonton based online hijabs store. She is a new stay-at-home mom of a sweet little girl. Mona is also a former elementary school teacher turned blogger and writer.