Tag Archives: desi

Me Want Bahu

By Khaula Mazhar

Me Want Bahu

Note: This will work best if you imagine this lady rapping to Apache Indian’s “Arranged Marriage.”

The time has come for this Amma,
To find one larki for her Shehzada.
Now listen when me talk tell everybody,
Me want me a bahu perfect as can be.

Chorus
Me want bahu, from Karachi City
Me want bahu, say a sohni curi
Me want bahu, bhai  to look after me
Me want bahu, with a doctor’s degree

Now I look in the neighborhood, there’s a lot of girls,
And some of them seem like perfect pearls.
Me go to all their houses, just one masla,
They all say me son is a no good larka.
So now it’s time for matchmaker lady,
To come and help find that Hoor Pari.
So I’ll send her to the East, then to the West.
I’ll send her North and South to find which girl best,
I can’t lie, I must confess, this Amma she wants a princess.

Chorus
Me want bahu, to cook the roti.
Me want bahu, that cooks good nihari.
Me want bahu, to clean up the house.
Me want bahu, meek like a mouse.

Now some girls are fat and some too thin,
Some just have too large a kin.
She can’t be too dark, or even too fair.
And she must have long, long black hair.
Engineer is good, doctor is too,
MBA is fine, nothing less will do.
What you mean does my son have job yet?
My boy is perfect, the best you’ll ever get!
Now you be fussy, then don’t cry to me,
I have long list of girls as you can see.

Chorus
Me want bahu, to massage my feet,
Me want bahu, to cook lots of treats.
Me want bahu, who will respect me.
Me want bahu, to give me potha, pothee.

So the time has come for my son to marry,
I look for a girl from a good family.
We on the rounds, to visit all the places,
Of eligible girls, with very pretty faces.
So have lots of food on your tea trolley,
You’ll have to work hard to impress me.

Chorus
Me want bahu, as sweet as can be.
Me want bahu, that don’t talk back to me.
Me want bahu, to show off to my friends,
Me want bahu, that will make amends.

Now the time has come for me son to marry,
For people to bring mithai, like luddoo n barfee.
I found perfect girl, sorry I only have one son,
Nothing I can do, the date is done.
But is okay, don’t be so blue,
Your daughter can always be wife number 2!

Chorus

Me found bahu, from Toronto City.
Me found bahu, with MBA degree.
Me found bahu, why she no look after me?
Me found bahu, she works at office all day!
Me found bahu, she does not give me her pay!
Me found bahu, her family trapped us,
Me found bahu, now my raj is over bus!

About the author:

Khaula Mazhar, author of Mama Loves Me, has written for Dawn Pakistan and now bestows her wisdom upon the world at her blog. Last time she counted she had five kids, however the vast amount of laundry has given her doubts. This is a cause of constant distraction as she tries to finish writing the next NYT best-seller.

Desi Mom Is, As Desi Mom Does!

By Muneezah Jawad

photo credit: leeno via photopin cc

photo credit: leeno via photopin cc

I am a typical desi mom and I am proud of it. Desi, for those of you unfamiliar with the term means ‘of South Asian descent’. There are a few *ahem* ‘charming’ traits that we all have, some of which I am proud of and others I won’t admit to. There are also those traits that make me wait for the day my children become parents themselves. Then I will sit back, grin like a Cheshire cat and purr out ‘I told you!!’

So sit back with your chai and cake rusk and enjoy my list of things typical desi moms do. Read this listing of ‘traits’ with a healthy dose of laughs, it’s all in good humour!

All desis are related

We have a universal adoption policy. We insist that our kids call anyone older than themselves, uncle, aunty, apa (sister) or bhaijan (brother). This is regardless of whether they are family, friends or the local shopkeeper as long as they are desi. If we could we would even assign the next door cat a title.

I am not going to apologize for this. We have been taught to respect our elders and that means not calling them by their first names. It’s as simple as that. Since non desi’s won’t understand and will think we are forcibly trying to adopt them I don’t push my kids to do this with others.

Future doctors, lawyers or engineers

If we had our way, we would dress our babies in white lab coats over their diapers and give them a stethoscope for a pacifier, then we would proudly parade said future doctor in front of the millions of uncles and aunties we adopted as explained above.

Food is love

Someone coming for dinner? Time to whip up 30 odd dishes. Not only is it about food, it’s about a lot of food. It cannot do to cook just enough. No! There must be leftovers for guests to take home.

This brings me to another key point. We hoard countless empty yoghurt tubs to send leftovers home with people. This means we can keep our precious Tupperware safely tucked in warm and cozy in its shelf at home. We fear we will never see it returned, so we just don’t hand it out.

Comparison is an art

Whenever convenient we never fail to use other children to our advantage. Recently my nephew got outstanding results in his exams. I used the moment to hammer into my kids about how intelligent he is, how hard he worked and how lucky his parents are. However the minute one of my kids comes home saying Charlie came to school with the latest of whatever popular items that’s going around, my standard answer is ‘We should not compare one family to another’. Out goes the comparison. Works like a charm every time. One of these days I will get caught I am sure.

Beta, when are YOU getting married? 

We all have been dreaming of our daughters getting married since the day they were old enough to steal our lipstick and play dress up. So it follows that we simply cannot resist asking any girl or even boy when they plan to tie the knot. It doesn’t matter that they are barely even ready to vote, we just need to know. If we don’t ask them the next target we corner is their mother.

photo credit: hamidijaz via photopin cc

photo credit: hamidijaz via photopin cc

The sun is not our friend

Yes, we avoid the sun like cats avoid baths.  We like to be fair and we will go to great lengths to achieve this. Our most common accessory is a giant umbrella ironically when there are no clouds in sight. We are seen ducking in and out of spots in outdoor malls trying to walk along the shaded sides. Since I am naturally tanned and no amount of shade can turn me into Snow White, I am least bothered with this one.  (When out and about in the sun, remember to put on sunscreen though!)

Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned

If our children even so much as hint at liking another mom’s brownies more than ours, that is it!  We get our feathers ruffled, we get all teary eyed and generally walk around with an injured look. It takes days for us to recover and it’s done with much sighing and sniffing.

We are nosy

We love to grill our children’s friends for information. What extracurricular activities they are doing, where they are planning to vacation, what their report cards said. Why you might ask? Remember we love to use the art of comparison! I usually extract the information by luring them with a piece of chocolate cake and a glass of milk when they are visiting. Once they are at the kitchen table munching away that’s when my inquisition takes place, slow and subtle.

Dress code: Shalwar Kameez 

We make sure our girls wear shalwar kameez for every occasion. I’ve had this done to me. I would be roped into wearing whatever garish outfit that was hanging around in my closet. Remember that fad that came in the 80’s when the shalwar(flared pants), kameez (long tunic)and dupatta(scarf) were all a different color that did not complement each other? Well I do. Need I say more?

I forgive my parents though, because those outfits really were the epitome of our culture, heritage and style. I just didn’t see it that way. If we don’t introduce our kids to them, they might never wear it. It will be looked upon as a costume.  It’s imperative that our children know their roots and our clothes play a big part. I advise that they should be given choices and never be forced.

Hospitable to a fault

Aside from feeding guests till they are ready to pop, anyone who ever comes for a visit will always be escorted out the door when they leave. It’s like we want to make sure they actually leave. We will stand outside and wait till they are safely in their car and have driven off.  It’s difficult to know when to stop waving. We wave, then they wave, which obligates us to wave back and on it goes. Sometimes we are standing on the driveway a good 10-15 minutes and our hands end up very tired.

 

I am so proud to be desi. We are the most loving, hospitable people and I would never wish to be anything else. I hope to instill a few of these traits in my future generations as well. It is what makes us unique and at the same times makes us stand out in society.

About the author:

Muneezah Jawad is the Social Media Manager at MuslimMoms.ca

 

Are there any you can add to this list? Tell us about the wonderful things that are typical in your family and home? Let us know how you make sure that your children understand why you do some of the things you do. We would love to hear from you.