By Mariam Mazhar
As a Muslim parent I feel frustrated by the entire buzz about the updates being made to the Health and Physical Health Education (Sex-Ed) Curriculum. I have been reading almost every new post and news coming in the media, and have been talking to fellow educators on this issue. I have reached a point that I am clueless about the future of my kids and I feel helpless.
For a moment I stop and imagine that it’s already September and this new Sex Ed curriculum is implemented throughout Ontario, including my kid’s school. So what’s next? Should I pull my children out of public school and home school them? Or should I register them in an Islamic school?
Sad truth is, I cannot afford any of it. I do not have the time to home school my kids, do not have finances to send them to Islamic school and moving away is out of question. In such a situation I have to come in terms with the new curriculum. My child will have option to skip the class but that worries me even more. If he is not getting firsthand knowledge from his teacher, it will reach him through his peers and most likely in a twisted version. In such a case I have to gear up and prepare myself to talk openly and confidently to my kids in the light of Islam and Sunnah and what is morally right for them.
As a teacher, I am still waiting for proper guidelines to teach this tricky subject and I am hesitant just like most of the Ontarian teachers but a decade old curriculum surely needed revision. I come from a visible Muslim community for whom talking about sex is almost a taboo and not everybody understands this. However, this sex education is not just for Muslims but for all other religious and ethnic communities. I talked to some of the teaching staff across different boards in Ontario and heres what they had to say about the new sex education curriculum:
‘I am pretty sure that most of my fellow teachers will teach these topics in a way that is truthful but also age appropriate. Not to mention with their students well-being at heart. The language I would use relating to the same topic for younger grades in comparison to older grades is substantially different yet provides those students with the understanding they need. People hear the topics and automatically apply a scary/negative/dirty connotation to it and blow it out of proportion. Keeping our students informed and giving them the tools they need in life is the main goal here, not corruption of our youth. Have some faith in your educators! I am reassuring parents that they can have faith in our judgement as educators to deliver the program in a professional, age appropriate manner to their children. We always have to take the complicated curriculum expectations and decide the best way to teach them to each unique group of students we have. I just feel that we need to be careful to not be so defensive of people having a differing viewpoint that we judge them as ignorant or use sarcasm about where they got their information. Lets also remember that parents arent teachers and so are coming to this with a different perspective. A few people have seemed rather defensive in their responses and I think its important to remember that not everyone has to agree with your viewpoint and if they dont there is no need to be judgemental about it.’
‘Schools have a role to play in educating kids about sexuality, but the real issue is who should be doing the teaching and when. Programs need to be taught by competent educators. Understanding the student’s readiness to learn is also paramount, as children develop differently. It needs to be taught by well-prepared, highly skilled teachers who are comfortable delivering the program. Otherwise, it will do more harm than good.’
‘If parents were teaching their kids, that would be great. But especially those parents who are opposed to the curriculum, you know they’re not talking about sexting over dinner. They’re just not. And so it does fall to the schools. I want [parents] to understand that they should be their kids’ number one source of information, and anything else that they get – from schools, or other reliable adults – is just icing.’
‘For some families, their religious beliefs dont allow the act of masturbation, and when their childs teacher tells them that this act is ok, parents arent ok with this. Now, because we as teachers are diverse and have our own unique values and beliefs on the subject, parents worry those teachers opinions, beliefs, and practices may come across in the lesson. Since our roles as teachers are so impactful, parents fear that their kids will be influenced by their teachers on the subject because an in-direct message was passed down with the lesson. They fear that their children will become curious now of things theyve learned, which can be problematic. That’s why I feel that there is a need for open dialogue between admin, parents and teachers on how the subject is going to be taught. Teachers need to be sensitive, thats all. If teachers are going to be inclusive in the ways that we teach to help students be successful, like weve been taught through differentiated instruction, etc., then we also need to be inclusive in the way that we teach sex education to our students, being sensitive to their individual beliefs, and being careful not to pass down our own beliefs on the subject.’
‘So, how will new teachers be trained, and what kinds of workshops and in-house training will be offered to current? Further, how will administrators deal with the students whose parents have decided that such instruction is not appropriate? Jamming this program through with a September 2015 start date is asking for failure. More time is needed to train, discuss and to familiarize teachers with the material.’
Personally, I believe that parents should be the ones teaching children about sex, especially since it is such a controversial subject among families of different social, religious and cultural backgrounds. The schools should encourage parents to talk to their children at different stages of their development and perhaps offer helpful material, but further than that, it is not their job. I conclude that teachers have too many responsibilities. And I would rather find interesting ways to teach math than sex. Are you in favor of transferring more responsibilities to teachers, from families? My answer to that is this: It is not a good idea.
Rahila
March 5, 2015 8:47 amgreat to read an educator’s perspective. I guess we all (teachers and parents) have the same discomforts with this new curriculum. Can’t even imagine though how teachers handle this sensitive topic in class especially those teachers who don’t have kids of their own!!!
Rahila
March 5, 2015 8:47 amgreat to read an educator’s perspective. I guess we all (teachers and parents) have the same discomforts with this new curriculum. Can’t even imagine though how teachers handle this sensitive topic in class especially those teachers who don’t have kids of their own!!!
Khaula Mazhar
March 5, 2015 9:36 amI think it is a burden on the teachers. I have read some comments from parents that are in favor saying don’t understand the fuss and trust the teachers etc. It is not about trust, when I am sending my child to school I am trusting the teacher. My question is why those parents and the government don’t trust us parents?And why don’t those parents want to parent their own kids? Why do they expect the teachers to do everything for them, was their role as parents imply to produce a child? So far sex educations has not solved any of the problems, STIs are still on the rise, depression and confusion amongst teens is more common and grows everyday, sexual assault is an everyday thing. Ben Levin was in education, I am sure not everyone is like that but…there is always a chance.
The gender theory is just an opinion, even the Pope has rejected it. Psychiatrists say it is a mental illness and should be treated as such.There is no scientific evidence to prove it, so why would we add to teenage angst? As for talking with my kids, I have already started. And just how will my beliefs be protected? Will the teacher talk about masturbation saying it’s normal and lots of kids do it but practising Jews, Christians,Muslims don’t? I doubt it. Will the teacher be there in the playground when one child tells a friend that he/she likes the same sex and encourages others that since the teacher said it is a choice that child should ignore his Catholic/Jewish/Muslim faith and give it a try.What if that child insists that he/she “loves” the other child and wants a relationship?
Do we really need more teenage depression and confusion? Or worse, pre-teens caught up in this tornado of stress and depression.
Khaula Mazhar
March 5, 2015 9:36 amI think it is a burden on the teachers. I have read some comments from parents that are in favor saying don’t understand the fuss and trust the teachers etc. It is not about trust, when I am sending my child to school I am trusting the teacher. My question is why those parents and the government don’t trust us parents?And why don’t those parents want to parent their own kids? Why do they expect the teachers to do everything for them, was their role as parents imply to produce a child? So far sex educations has not solved any of the problems, STIs are still on the rise, depression and confusion amongst teens is more common and grows everyday, sexual assault is an everyday thing. Ben Levin was in education, I am sure not everyone is like that but…there is always a chance.
The gender theory is just an opinion, even the Pope has rejected it. Psychiatrists say it is a mental illness and should be treated as such.There is no scientific evidence to prove it, so why would we add to teenage angst? As for talking with my kids, I have already started. And just how will my beliefs be protected? Will the teacher talk about masturbation saying it’s normal and lots of kids do it but practising Jews, Christians,Muslims don’t? I doubt it. Will the teacher be there in the playground when one child tells a friend that he/she likes the same sex and encourages others that since the teacher said it is a choice that child should ignore his Catholic/Jewish/Muslim faith and give it a try.What if that child insists that he/she “loves” the other child and wants a relationship?
Do we really need more teenage depression and confusion? Or worse, pre-teens caught up in this tornado of stress and depression.
Madiha
March 5, 2015 10:47 am“‘For some families, their religious beliefs don’t allow the act of masturbation, and when their child’s teacher tells them that this act is ok, parents aren’t ok with this.” Teachings of Muslims, refrain from the act of maturbating. Its stated as unhealthy, by few researchs I have been through. We as Muslims, if confusing the beliefs of our kids; may hinder thier overall believes and teaching from Islamic perspective.
Anon
March 21, 2015 1:08 pmThat’s exactly the point. Children are shielded from any education regarding sex due to religious and cultural beliefs. What most parents don’t realize that the pseudo-religious/pseudo-cultural environment you created only go so far as your homes. As soon as they are in a public space the children are bombarded with sexual imagery, open discussions regarding sex, etc.. Now with internet available in every homes, the access to sexually explicit material is even more conveniently available.
Instead of restricting information availability (because clearly that’s not within your power), maybe we should provide the children with knowledge on how to handle such information. Parents cannot be made responsible to handle such information, because you are always going to feed your children biased information. Not just muslim parents, all parents!
Personally, I read about ‘oral sex’ in a newspaper once and had no clue what that meant. I didn’t think my parents were the best source of information of that regard. Where did I look for more information on it? Internet. And there, I stumbled upon more information than necessary – if you get my drift.
Teenagers aren’t comfortable addressing issues regarding sexuality with their parents. And placing such restrictions on discussion of sex isn’t going to make “the talk” with you anymore comfortable. Stop underestimating children, they already know more about sex than you do – your only responsibility now is to make sure they get the information they are looking for in a safe and factual manner.
Scientifically, masturbation is perfectly acceptable. Besides what’s so bad about knowing your own body? And if not your own body, what should you have the right to explore. It’s no wonder men and women face such body image issues today, especially since it’s considered to be always something to be ashamed of and discussed in private.
Madiha
March 5, 2015 10:47 am“‘For some families, their religious beliefs don’t allow the act of masturbation, and when their child’s teacher tells them that this act is ok, parents aren’t ok with this.” Teachings of Muslims, refrain from the act of maturbating. Its stated as unhealthy, by few researchs I have been through. We as Muslims, if confusing the beliefs of our kids; may hinder thier overall believes and teaching from Islamic perspective.
Anon
March 21, 2015 1:08 pmThat’s exactly the point. Children are shielded from any education regarding sex due to religious and cultural beliefs. What most parents don’t realize that the pseudo-religious/pseudo-cultural environment you created only go so far as your homes. As soon as they are in a public space the children are bombarded with sexual imagery, open discussions regarding sex, etc.. Now with internet available in every homes, the access to sexually explicit material is even more conveniently available.
Instead of restricting information availability (because clearly that’s not within your power), maybe we should provide the children with knowledge on how to handle such information. Parents cannot be made responsible to handle such information, because you are always going to feed your children biased information. Not just muslim parents, all parents!
Personally, I read about ‘oral sex’ in a newspaper once and had no clue what that meant. I didn’t think my parents were the best source of information of that regard. Where did I look for more information on it? Internet. And there, I stumbled upon more information than necessary – if you get my drift.
Teenagers aren’t comfortable addressing issues regarding sexuality with their parents. And placing such restrictions on discussion of sex isn’t going to make “the talk” with you anymore comfortable. Stop underestimating children, they already know more about sex than you do – your only responsibility now is to make sure they get the information they are looking for in a safe and factual manner.
Scientifically, masturbation is perfectly acceptable. Besides what’s so bad about knowing your own body? And if not your own body, what should you have the right to explore. It’s no wonder men and women face such body image issues today, especially since it’s considered to be always something to be ashamed of and discussed in private.